Christmas 2014

We survived Christmas! What a crazy, CRAZY, time of year. If I am honest, Christmas is not my favorite holiday… It’s overwhelming, daunting, expensive… the list goes on. Yet, every year I am fulfilled by how wonderful the holiday actually is, once you get past the stress. It’s filled with family, food, and giving. A beautiful, stressful, perfect holiday.

We were so blessed to be healthy ON Christmas. Oliver came down with a nasty illness. He was tired, feverish, coughing, crying. It was terrible and lasted forever. I think it was a good 10 days before we were acting normal again! We had to miss our trip to Tulsa to see family for Christmas and an 80^th 

birthday party. Very sad.

Sick Baby

We nursed Ollie back to health with a strong liquid diet because he refused to eat. Rotations of elderberry, raw honey, FCLO, raw probiotics, kombucha, green smoothies, bone broth, coconut water with Himalayan salts, and keifer. We made homemade cough syrup with fresh ginger, raw apple cider vinegar, lemon, and oil. Then had a rotation of essential oils to help the healing process. Detox baths with magnesium to help the body aches, and avoided fever reducers to allow his body to fight the illness since his fever wasn’t high! I am very thankful to have been able to avoid prescription medication or antibiotics this round! I know we won’t always get that lucky, but thankful for making it through this illness!

Christmas Eve Eve we were able to get attend a beautiful church service with family. Christmas Eve we spent going to another church with family and celebrating the Christmas we missed in Tulsa. Poor Oliver still was not 100% and spent most of the night throwing fits. –sigh-

Christmas day we started with our traditional breakfast my mom makes every year. Homemade cinnamon rolls. They are to die for. TO DIE FOR YA’LL! I love this tradition so much. Even if we don’t spend Christmas day with my family my momma always makes sure we have some of her cinnamon rolls. It’s the perfect start to the day. Then for lunch we were able to spend with my sweet grandparents and aunt that was in town!

This brings me to my favorite gift exchange every year. My sweet sister a few years ago gifted me a jar. A memory jar. Throughout the year, who ever has the jar, writes down their favorite sister memories then gifts the jar back on Christmas. This has become a tradition I SO look forward to each year. When it's my turn to have the jar I leave it in our living room, write down notes throughout the year and drop it in the jar. It's so fun to read all the things we did together throughout the year. My sister is amazing you guys. She is seriously my best friend and I love our relationship. The older she gets the closer we seem to get and this jar is such an amazing representation of an intentional relationship. This year when I opened the jar, I just started tearing up. I cherish our relationship so much and love this new tradition we started!

The day after christmas we had ANOTHER family gathering. (Big family!) It was filled with music like usual, which Ollie loved! I come from one very talented musical family. Total bummer I didn't get that gene..Maybe Ollie will.... 

We have had such a blessed Christmas! I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all the blessing we have received this year! Hope you all had a wonderful holiday!

Opening gifts, yet his favorite was the Mario tooth brush we got him! :) 

Meal Plan for September 13-27

Since we last talked life has changed a little. (Again) When the heck is life not changing, right?! Jobs have been rearranged, again, and we are adjusting to a new schedule, again. Change is good. <3

This post I wanted to dedicate to sharing with you all our menu for two weeks and share some of our meal planning. I love when people share their meal ideas because I am always looking for new ones!

We love whole foods in this family, we love nourishing foods in this family, we love to stay on budget in this family and we love quick meals that meet all these requirements in our family. I am learning to love my crock pot since three days of the week I get off at 5:00 and Ollie wants dinner at 5. Aye!

This is what my meal planning looks like. Nothing fancy. Writing down ideas over giving Ollie lunch and mixing his FCLO. 

So here we go:

Meals September 13-27

Breakfast:

Zucchini ,Pumpkin Oatmeal Muffins topped with coconut oil (freezer stash)

Carrot, Pumpkin, Sweet potato oatmeal muffins topped with coconut oil (freezer stash)

Eggs and Whole Wheat toast with Whole Milk Plain Organic Yogurt

Eggs and Blueberry Sausage

Oatmeal (freezer stash)

Lunch:

Leftovers (this makes up 99% of our lunches but we always try and have back ups)

Peanut butter and honey sandwich

Turkey sandwiches

Dinner:

Pretzel Chicken with wild rice and veggies

Chicken Tortilla Soup (crock pot)

Stuffed Peppers (Crock pot)

Beef Stew

Mediterranean Chicken and rice  (crock pot)

Adobo Pork (crock pot)

Broccoli and sundried tomato mac n cheese

Cuban Beans

Veggie Scramble

Chicken and Rice Casserole

Tamale Casserole (with left over adobo pork)

One pot pasta

Veggie quesadillas

Lemon Chicken and Veggie bake

Roasted Chicken and Veggies

Bean Burritos (homemade “refried” beans from crockpot)

Snacks:

Hummus and Veggies

Greek Yogurt

Whole Milk Plain Yogurt (Ollie)

Fruit from our bountiful basket

Cottage Cheese

Cheese and Crackers

Sqeezies (Ollie)

Smoothies

Lactation cookies (yes, for the whole family…. They love them lol This is a no judgement zone list)

Drinks:

Water

Homemade Kombucha

Black Coffee

Black unsweeted Tea

OJ just used to give FCLO

Sweet Treats

Apple Custini from our bountiful basket

Apple Crisp

Supplements

(Aye, ya’ll we are slowing approaching flu season. I can feel my anxiety rising. To help keep us healthy we always have the following )

FCLO

Fresh Garlic

Homemade Elderberry Syrup

Essential Oils

Bone Broth

There it is! We are very thankful to have started getting involved in bountiful basket which I feel has forced us to eat more fresh veggies and fruit and is very affordable! I have been waiting to pick up our basket and then meal planning around it! What do you all have on your menu these next few weeks! I would love ideas! 

 <3 

A Year.

It’s been a year. 

A year since our little was born. A year since our life was changed. A year since our world was rocked, a year since our perspective changed.

It’s been 20 months since dreams were re-arranged, since we had to re think our vision for life, since we learned that life does what it wants and we are all along for the ride.

It’s been a trying year. Little sleep. A lot of stress, worry and doubt. A lot of second-guessing, midnight googling, and tears.

It’s been a year of praying through midnight feedings, hoping for the best, and going with your gut.

It’s been an experience that cries for your soul to be humbled. It is an experience that calls out for the Lord daily.

It’s been a year of unexpected joy, laughed, and genuine happiness.

It’s been a year of the purest love that we have ever experienced. 

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions that I can’t even put into words. My heart cries for more, yet exhaustion yearns for a break. Your tank runs on empty, yet your heart has never been so full. 

It’s days that turn into weeks, weeks that turn into months, and months that amount to a year.

A year.

An entire year since we brought life into this world. We changed this world, and don’t take it lightly. Oh, Lord, the weight we bare when we parent. The prayers we pray. the hope we hope, the change we hope to change.

Late nights, early mornings, boxes of wine, and midnight snacks.

It’s crying and laughing all rolled into one. It’s emotions so strong you could burst, normalcy being un-normal. 

Its afternoon snuggles, early bedtimes, and lack of a good shower.

It’s been a year that flew by, yet went SO slow. It’s day after day of monotonous tasks, yet never knowing what to expect.

Each day we've grown, yet each day feel completely clueless. We've learned so much, yet know so little.

There are days you cant breath but at the same time, wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s the inward battle to stay content, keep on going, and do the best we know how even when it feels like you are failing.

It’s loads of cloth diapers, hours of pumping, weeks of meal planning.

It’s a year of stain removing, wiping down high chairs, playing during bath time, cooking with a baby hanging on your leg,  and working during nap time.

It’s been baby wearing to sleep, driving to calm, and oiling to heal.

It’s days that revolve around your boobs, nap schedules, and diaper changes.

Its Sunday’s without church because you’re standing in the hall, its bedtime stories, and swaddling to quiet.

Some days you yearn for the simplicity of your old life,  but could never imagine life without the human you created. Because this human, is a life changer. It makes you feel like you have never felt. It helps your bare the cross of Christ and realize what life is all about.

It’s been a year, I tell ya. With tears in my eyes, I will praise the Lord that created life, that gives us the strength to raise the next generation, gives us the passion and drive to persevere.

So, thus, we celebrate. We pin up balloons, bake cakes, and take pictures.  Because behind us lies a year of life, a beautiful life with a future unknown,

Glory to God that entrusted us with a year of a little precious boy, that we raise to praise him and bring glory to his kingdom. Let us not miss the mark on directing this human being.

Give us grace as we make mistakes, do our best, and humble ourselves.

It’s been a year friends, lets rejoice.

We are blessed, oh, so very blessed. <3 

Life Lately: A little Strep, A little Blood, A little Head Injury.

*disclaimer* It's ok to laugh at my bad week. I am laughing now. Everyone survived, and there was minimal blood. 

Ughhhhh, so cute baby O, but you have something on your face! :) 

A long, long time ago, before I was born, an evil spell was cast upon me. Well, actually two, if you want to get specific. The first one: Kayla must always become the most ill on national holidays. The second one: Kayla must have a series of one bad thing after another happen, and they must all happen at least within the same week.

This “sickness spell” started when I woke up on the fourth of July. Typical. It was my birthday celebration and Fourth of July all in one day. Pretty usual for me to get sick on an event with TWO holidays in it!

A Few days later I woke up super early, after a few hours of sleep, feeling incredibly awful, no voice, no energy and went to work. I came home and Ollie was in full force. He was in a mood and yelled at me for everything. For putting him down, for holding him, for giving him a toy, for giving him food. Guys, I am not winning any mom of the year award for how this day went…..

While he took on the form of a demented child, I tried to make a batch of elderberry syrup since I was out, and I made a smoothie that Ollie and I could share.  I sat down on the floor with my sweet sweet (SWEET???) baby to share a smoothie I made. You know what he did with it ya’ll?? He threw it at me. Multiple times. He loved when I gave him a bite but would get so upset when he swallowed it and I couldn’t give it to him quick enough he threw fit after fit. Throwing green smoothie everywhere. Covering himself. Covering the floor. Covering me. Covering the dogs. Aye!

^^^ Post smoothie. Pretty sure he was cursing me in his baby language for not being a super fast smoothie feeding machine. 

As I am trying to clean up the green goo disaster that is everywhere, I see the coffee cup cabinet open. (On its own, I might add. CURSE, I SAY! IT’S A CURSE) A coffee cup comes flying out of the cabinet, falling onto our beloved Chemex. Shattering the Chemex into one million pieces, leaving shattered glass everywhere….. I just stared at it, broken hearted because I love that dang  yummy coffee making device. It makes coffee as God intended it to be. Yet, it lay shattered in pieces. Like, P.I.E.C.E.S! Not just a few, like destroyed by the possessed coffee cup that lay completely intact. Oh, and you know the tiny little fractional pieces of glass that give you those little itty bitty tiny cuts that hurt like h***? Oh, those were on my CHILD who was lying in the middle of the mess. AWFUL. I are, AWFUL! He had a few tiny cuts on his poor baby legs, from such a freak accident! WAAAAAAAA. :( 

and when I say freak accident I mean FREAK accident. I am a doomsdayer. I always think of one million awful scenarios that could leave my child injured. I am always brainstorming to make sure I have thought of everything to have a safe play environment for O....but I NEVER thought of this scenario, ever! Mommy fail. 

This must be the end of the downward spiral, right??? I mean, I am sick, I have a teething fussy baby who just got injured in a freak accident, my favorite coffee maker randomly shattered into a million pieces . That’s enough, right?!??!

Wrong.

I continued to get more sick until I self diagnosed myself with strep. I have had it before and had all the symptoms; my throat was covered in the typical white that comes along with strep. Needless to say, I was feeling like death. I decided to treat it naturally at home, allow my body to heal itself rather then opt for the antibiotics . (I’ll go into more of this later) Anyways, I worked and worked on a natural tonic to help me get better, and guess what?? It was WORKING! I was feeling better.

Then I gave Ollie lunch. I bent down and who knows what happened. Not sure, but I hit my head on the corner of the table, or the chair, or something. But I hit it HARD. SO FREAKING HARD YA’LL! Blood, a goose egg, the whole thing and suddenly felt terrible again! My head started pounding. I felt sick. UGHHHH, when will it end????!?

Then my husband returned home from work and tried help. He started cleaning up while I lay down………….. and THREW AWAY my precious tonic that had been marinating all day. Gone. It was Gone. All. Gone. 

The End.

I wanted to scream but had no voice. Oh, the irony.

Here’s to hoping the chain of events is over, that my head wound heals it self because it kept me up all night, and that the curse will be broken soon. :)

But you know what guys?! Don’t we all have rough weeks like this? Don’t we all have days/weeks that it seems like the world is against us? We all do. Sometimes it feels like we may be individual “cursed” but isn’t it just part of life? YES! And guess what? The last few days I have been so blessed. Ollie has been so sweet and loving and not devilish anymore. I have been feeling better.We get a little family time before Kot leaves for awhile for work. We are still SO blessed amongst the bad days. 

 Some days are hard. Some weeks are hard. But joy DOES come in the morning. (eventually) :)

<3 

 

He loves helping with dishes now! :) Oh, and mopping as you can see in the background. They are his favorite chores. 

Our Messy Life

Hope this post isn't TOO real! haha I can't help it. That's what blogging is about though, right?! KIR (bobby bones shout out) 

Most days I am running around from place to place like a crazy person now. Whew!  Part time working and full time mommy is exhausting to balance! When baby is up every few hours at night I still have to get up early. I think that has been  one of the hardest things especially since Oliver has NEVER slept through the night. Before if we would have a bad night, then Ollie would sleep in some in the mornings and we could slowly get around. Now, we are usually up before him or waking him up depending on the day. We do a lot of baby swapping to make sure we both get to work and get everything done. We have been trying to plan a date for literally 3 months and have yet to find a free day….Maybe our anniversary? We both work that day. Ha. It will happen… eventually :)  When you have to leave your baby for work its really hard to justify leaving him to go do something “fun”! When we all have a chance to be together, we want to take it, not just leave Ollie again!  I am sure all working parents understand what I am saying right now! Any free time is spent pouring into your child to make sure they don't get pushed to the side by life. If you even go get your hair cut the mommy guilty is overwhelming because you already left them for hours to work....you shouldn't leave them again to do something that isn't a requirement. Right?! ha. It's silly, we know! Parental guilt is one of the strongest emotions out there though!! We were just saying the other night how we need to do something as a family that isn't cleaning the house or rocking a baby to sleep! It is so easy to just get into survival mode! We are searching for balance.... like always! 

We have such an awesome support system here though that really makes things flow! Without our family I have no idea how we could both work! 

 We are slowing getting into a good routine (ish) and we are all getting used to this new stage of life. It is still heartbreaking to sneak into your baby’s room at 6am and wake them up from the most peaceful sleep you have ever seen.  Luckily we don’t have to do that too often! Ollie is a trooper though and always has a smile on his face even bright early. 

We have two teeth! The first one came through the day he turned 9 months. He also had a 105 fever. Poor babe was miserable. He didn’t want to move, he just laid on us for two days. His other tooth came through yesterday. It didn’t really seem to bother him much. He was a little fussy yesterday evening and hasn’t been sleeping as well this week so hopefully now that his second tooth is through maybe he will sleep??? –PLEASE BABY—

Ollie shakes his head NO to EVERYTHING. Do you want to go to bed? –NO. Want to eat? –NO. Want to play? –NO. Oh man, this is cute now… wont be for long! Haha!

He wave’s hi and bye to everyone/things/animals. We went to the zoo and he waved at every exhibit. Melt. My. Heart. He also said Hi to the gorillas. He liked them. Lol

Ollie pulls up on everything now. One day he just crawled over to the couch while I was working and pulled up like he had been doing it his whole life. Since then, nothing is safe. He is in the fridge, pulling up on the coffee table, in his pack in play. He is all over the place. He gets so proud every time he stands and just has a huge grin on his face. He never wants to sit any more though. He just wants to stand. He is way too brave and letting go of things trying to take steps unsupported. I think I might have a mini heart attack at this stage of life. Way to many falls!

He knows things he isn’t supposed to get into (ie: dog food, dog water) If they are on the ground he takes off towards them and squeals the whole time trying to beat you to them! Then throws a nice little fit when they are taken away as well.

He is such an extrovert. He loves being the center of attention and putting on a show. He loves making people laugh….He’s such a ham.

We have started thinking about planning his first birthday since its only a little over two months away. * Cue crying *  We are thinking of having just a little family pool party since Ollie loves the water!

Oliver is seriously the best baby ever. He is so fun, so happy and just is a blast to be around. It is impossible not to smile when you are around him! (ok, I might be a little bias) :) 

The days ARE long, and the years ARE short. Such a perfect saying for parenthood. Some days I’m covered in avocado, haven’t slept, or showered and I am trying to appear put together in some aspect and its pretty much impossible. I was literally on the side of the road yesterday on a busy highway because our vehicle ran out of gas on my way to pick Ollie up,  and after having no sleep....I just sat there and cried. Pathetic, I know! It's not the end of the world, but in the moment it felt like it.  A super nice KHP officer came in helped me. At one point he just looked at me and was like "are you sure your ok?". ha. Forgive my pigeon crying sir, I just feel like I am always running low on gas and this is a metaphor of my life right now. (I call it pigeon crying bc of my sweet sister now. It's crying for the mere reason you are exhausted and everything makes you cry.) :) 

 My house is a mess, the high chair still needs wiped down, the dogs need fed and the floors need swept. Dinner consist of trying to throw something healthy together quickly when half the time it seems Ollie would be perfectly content just picking up random things off the floor and eating them… The grass is too long, the cars are too old, the nights are too short, and the to do lists never get done.  I have cloth diapers hanging every where trying to dry, I have dishes that are piling up, and a ton of phone calls to make. Yet, when I get Ollie ready for his nap, turn his sound machine on, and put him on my shoulder my heart is so full. I hold him as he gets sleepy and there is no place I would rather be but sitting in the middle of my messy life, holding my baby. I am proud of my messy life, and love to share it with people. No, we aren’t put together, but people who have it all figured out are boring anyways. (at least that’s what I keep telling myself) I have no idea what I will be doing in 5 years and really don’t care to plan or think about it, because my crazy life is just that. Crazy. Unpredictable. I hope to teach Ollie that. How to just go with the flow, take life as it happens, and just make it work. I hope he can see that someday through our mess :)

We are in need for some FUN! It will happen this weekend. Farmers Market? Pool? Park? Target? All of the above? Hope so! We will strap our baby to our backs and have a little adventure this weekend bc we all need a little fun in our life! <3

Until next time readers, go enjoy the beautiful weather and stop cleaning up the house. The Gatz family gives you permission :) <3

Life Lately--Short Update

Baby O is almost 9 months old. So weird. Just now I had to even verify that this was true. It sounds way way too old for my baby. He's still my baby. So sweet. So little. How can he be 9 months old!? Wahhhhh! I don't like this whole growing up thing!

He's still this crazy amazing eater. Most nights he eats more then I do. He has yet to dislike a food. He wants to feed himself now, which is perfect! I am trying to follow baby led weaning as much as possible, so this is perfect! We really don't do any purees anymore. We will prob just finish the stash out in the freezer and then be done with those.

We still have no teeth!!!  None that seem close either. Fine with me! :)

We have successfully made it almost 9 months breastfeeding which I am super proud of, especially when I thought we would be unsuccessful the first few months. I am super grateful for this and will continue it as long as he wants.

I have started working which has been a huge adjustment! Leaving Ollie almost everyday has been really tough. I have a part-time job, but balancing parenthood and life is a struggle. It's great, just an adjustment!

Sleep has changed somewhat the last few weeks as well. :/. Ollie has always napped with me. As frustrating as it was at sometimes it become our time. It was precious. It was sweet. It was short lived. One day he just refused to settle down with me, so I said "Ollie, you are going to go ni night in your bed then" I laid him down and he was out. No crying. He slept for an hour. It was strange. Weird. and Strangely emotional. It was like overnight he was done needing me to sleep. It's a great transition. It is a positive one. Everyone said it would happen on its own, not to force it, and they were right. So now, I lay him down almost every nap time and he goes to sleep without me. I have some "nap-time" now. A break during the day is super weird. Most of the time I do not know what to do without a baby getting into everything! Most of the time he takes two 30 mins nap a day. Some times three!

Over the Zoo today. So hot. lol

Ollie is still super mobile. He has been since about 4 months. He crawls and is into everything. It is a blast. He has such a great sense of humor and we have so much fun playing and reading books. His favorite book right now is "Honk if you like purple" He just laughs and laughs when we read it.

I can't wait to take him swimming this summer, go to the zoo, and just enjoy each other. We are so blessed. I can get so discouraged and frustrated sometimes, but then I look at my baby and I am reminded how blessed we are.

Life is this crazy, unexpected turn of events. I never know what the next week holds and I am tired of planning. It is what it is, what happens happens. For now, I am doing my best to just breath in and enjoy this time. <3 

Love ya'll. Have a great week! 

7 Month Update and Family Goals

Always has his tongue out right now! 

The day Ollie turned 7 months old…. Well, I was exhausted! He had not been sleeping well at all! I uploaded his 7-month photo with a text message to my mom as the description… oh dear… and when I tried to fix it the entire 7-month update went away. I then threw my phone across the room and quit for the day! :) Now that we have “caught up” on some sleep I will try and recap the last month and our adventures with our crazy, growing boy!

I am so in love with this age. He is becoming so content, very happy, and super active. I think now that he is really mobile, it has helped him become a happier baby. He does his version of a crawl (kind of like an army crawl) all around the house now. Nothing and no where is safe from a mobile baby! Oh, and if you think your floors are clean put a baby in a white onsie to roam the house… you’ll quickly find they are not clean. He is also doing planks and push ups? Who knows… I think he is trying to get buff for the ladies!

He tries to talk all the time. Today in church when the pastor would speak, Ollie would respond…. Oh dear… and he is into squealing super loud right now as well….

He does sign language with us sometimes. His favorite is “all done” and will a lot of times do it will us after dinner. We sign a lot so hopefully it pays off in a few months!

He eats like a grown man. I don’t think he would ever stop eating if it was up to him. He hasn’t refused a single food I have given him. It’s pretty awesome. I hope it is always like this! Fingers crossed.

He loves being outside still, going to the park and on walks. Sometimes we just go sit outside with the dogs and Ollie is perfectly content.

He loves Remi so so much. He also likes Remi’s dog bones…. No, I don’t want to talk about it… gross!

This month has flown by, every month I love more then the last and I didn’t even know that was possible. Seriously, being a mom is surprisingly the best job ever. I would be perfectly content doing this forever. It is such a blessing!

As a family this month, we have decided to work towards a few different goals. The first one is not saying “No” to Ollie as much. (Don’t freak out people, I am not talking about letting him do what ever) Now that he is mobile I already feel like that mom that walks around saying, “no, no, no, no, no” We are just trying to use more positive reinforcement instead of just saying no a lot. Like saying, lets do this instead of that. Stuff like that. It’s our job to create a safe environment for him to play and we shouldn’t have to say no to EVERYTHING. Plus, we want him to know when we do say no, we really mean it and not just ignore us because we say it too much. But, oh man, after making this decision to be more conscientious about when we say it, I swear we say it more! Lol! Oh well, it’s a goal, we wont be perfect.

Kombucha anyone?!

Our other goal is reducing media intake. During the day when it’s just Ollie and I, we don’t have the TV on. He just gets so sucked into it, and stops playing. So, in our home, while Ollie is awake we try and not have the TV on. Of course there will be exceptions, it’s just something we are working towards. Also, reducing when we have our phones out. We live in a world of constant media intake and it can impact relationships negatively. Ever try to talk to some one and they are just staring at their phone? It really sucks. I don’t want Ollie to think my phone is more important then him. I have been trying to only be on my phone when he is asleep. When he is awake I just think my children deserve my undivided attention. So, I leave my phone in the other room and go and play. Evenings when Dakota gets home we both try and have our phones put up so that it is family time. No TV, No Phones, just playing with baby and dinner as a family time. This time in life is so short! I don’t want to miss it because I am checking my facebook feed! I am also not going to remove myself from social media either. We have family and friends all over the US and I love staying in touch with them! These tools can be so great, and such a positive things! Once again, we are just trying to be conscientious about it!

So, those are our goals! Wish us luck! I think these little changes will have a positive influence on us!

Have a great week everyone! <3

Closed Doors: Hearing the Yes in the No.

Door after door has been shut for me. Job after job isn’t working out. I apply for something and boom position already filled… blah blah. Always something. Not a big something, just a little something. I expanded the job search to just something part time. I think that would be an easier adjustment for Ollie and I anyways. Nothing yet. But, ya know, I am starting to think these aren’t closed doors.

I think it’s a wide-open one.

A release.

An opportunity.

It’s the lord’s way of saying, “raise your baby”.

I would feel a sense of loss when getting calls about full time job positions, but would push on for the sake of our family…..For our need of health insurance, for our desire to live debt free. Yet, a sense of loss for leaving my baby….

Then they wouldn’t work out.

And that would suck. I would beat myself up. Always hearing that voice saying “your just not good enough”.

Yet the Lord saying, “you are who I say you are.”

Hearing no, over and over, is just hard. Even if its nothing you DO. It's no ones fault the position was already full…. Yet, still..... Super discouraging. 

I think the Lord is telling me something. Showing me to stop looking, because he has the perfect job for me right now.

My worth is not based upon how much I make, it’s not a dollar amount.

Yet, when you work to get a degree that’s what you’re working towards. Let's be honest. You are working towards a dollar amount.

So, I am changing my mind set. My life won't revolve around my next step or finding THE job. I am just going to live. 

I will raise my son, that’s my JOB right now! (But hey, if I’m staying home, lets just have a herd of children, just saying) 

Sometimes closed doors aren’t what you think. I truly believe the Lord was opening a door I didn’t want to accept. I find JOY in being with my son . Staying home is a BLESSING. I’ll keep searching for part time jobs. I still look a couple times a week. But I will NOT feel discouraged by the no’s.... Because that NO is the YES to my life right now. I am staying open to finding something but not beating myself up for the life the Lord is telling me to live right now. 

I am going to enjoy this summer with my babe. What a BLESSING. I can go to the pool with him, library story time, playdates…. Oh man, I am excited! This is going to be the BEST summer EVER!

Take heart friends, stopping hearing No, and hear the Lord saying YES to something. I promise, there is a yes in the no!