Closed Doors: Hearing the Yes in the No.

Door after door has been shut for me. Job after job isn’t working out. I apply for something and boom position already filled… blah blah. Always something. Not a big something, just a little something. I expanded the job search to just something part time. I think that would be an easier adjustment for Ollie and I anyways. Nothing yet. But, ya know, I am starting to think these aren’t closed doors.

I think it’s a wide-open one.

A release.

An opportunity.

It’s the lord’s way of saying, “raise your baby”.

I would feel a sense of loss when getting calls about full time job positions, but would push on for the sake of our family…..For our need of health insurance, for our desire to live debt free. Yet, a sense of loss for leaving my baby….

Then they wouldn’t work out.

And that would suck. I would beat myself up. Always hearing that voice saying “your just not good enough”.

Yet the Lord saying, “you are who I say you are.”

Hearing no, over and over, is just hard. Even if its nothing you DO. It's no ones fault the position was already full…. Yet, still..... Super discouraging. 

I think the Lord is telling me something. Showing me to stop looking, because he has the perfect job for me right now.

My worth is not based upon how much I make, it’s not a dollar amount.

Yet, when you work to get a degree that’s what you’re working towards. Let's be honest. You are working towards a dollar amount.

So, I am changing my mind set. My life won't revolve around my next step or finding THE job. I am just going to live. 

I will raise my son, that’s my JOB right now! (But hey, if I’m staying home, lets just have a herd of children, just saying) 

Sometimes closed doors aren’t what you think. I truly believe the Lord was opening a door I didn’t want to accept. I find JOY in being with my son . Staying home is a BLESSING. I’ll keep searching for part time jobs. I still look a couple times a week. But I will NOT feel discouraged by the no’s.... Because that NO is the YES to my life right now. I am staying open to finding something but not beating myself up for the life the Lord is telling me to live right now. 

I am going to enjoy this summer with my babe. What a BLESSING. I can go to the pool with him, library story time, playdates…. Oh man, I am excited! This is going to be the BEST summer EVER!

Take heart friends, stopping hearing No, and hear the Lord saying YES to something. I promise, there is a yes in the no!