Life Lately--Short Update

Baby O is almost 9 months old. So weird. Just now I had to even verify that this was true. It sounds way way too old for my baby. He's still my baby. So sweet. So little. How can he be 9 months old!? Wahhhhh! I don't like this whole growing up thing!

He's still this crazy amazing eater. Most nights he eats more then I do. He has yet to dislike a food. He wants to feed himself now, which is perfect! I am trying to follow baby led weaning as much as possible, so this is perfect! We really don't do any purees anymore. We will prob just finish the stash out in the freezer and then be done with those.

We still have no teeth!!!  None that seem close either. Fine with me! :)

We have successfully made it almost 9 months breastfeeding which I am super proud of, especially when I thought we would be unsuccessful the first few months. I am super grateful for this and will continue it as long as he wants.

I have started working which has been a huge adjustment! Leaving Ollie almost everyday has been really tough. I have a part-time job, but balancing parenthood and life is a struggle. It's great, just an adjustment!

Sleep has changed somewhat the last few weeks as well. :/. Ollie has always napped with me. As frustrating as it was at sometimes it become our time. It was precious. It was sweet. It was short lived. One day he just refused to settle down with me, so I said "Ollie, you are going to go ni night in your bed then" I laid him down and he was out. No crying. He slept for an hour. It was strange. Weird. and Strangely emotional. It was like overnight he was done needing me to sleep. It's a great transition. It is a positive one. Everyone said it would happen on its own, not to force it, and they were right. So now, I lay him down almost every nap time and he goes to sleep without me. I have some "nap-time" now. A break during the day is super weird. Most of the time I do not know what to do without a baby getting into everything! Most of the time he takes two 30 mins nap a day. Some times three!

Over the Zoo today. So hot. lol

Ollie is still super mobile. He has been since about 4 months. He crawls and is into everything. It is a blast. He has such a great sense of humor and we have so much fun playing and reading books. His favorite book right now is "Honk if you like purple" He just laughs and laughs when we read it.

I can't wait to take him swimming this summer, go to the zoo, and just enjoy each other. We are so blessed. I can get so discouraged and frustrated sometimes, but then I look at my baby and I am reminded how blessed we are.

Life is this crazy, unexpected turn of events. I never know what the next week holds and I am tired of planning. It is what it is, what happens happens. For now, I am doing my best to just breath in and enjoy this time. <3 

Love ya'll. Have a great week! 

7 Month Update and Family Goals

Always has his tongue out right now! 

The day Ollie turned 7 months old…. Well, I was exhausted! He had not been sleeping well at all! I uploaded his 7-month photo with a text message to my mom as the description… oh dear… and when I tried to fix it the entire 7-month update went away. I then threw my phone across the room and quit for the day! :) Now that we have “caught up” on some sleep I will try and recap the last month and our adventures with our crazy, growing boy!

I am so in love with this age. He is becoming so content, very happy, and super active. I think now that he is really mobile, it has helped him become a happier baby. He does his version of a crawl (kind of like an army crawl) all around the house now. Nothing and no where is safe from a mobile baby! Oh, and if you think your floors are clean put a baby in a white onsie to roam the house… you’ll quickly find they are not clean. He is also doing planks and push ups? Who knows… I think he is trying to get buff for the ladies!

He tries to talk all the time. Today in church when the pastor would speak, Ollie would respond…. Oh dear… and he is into squealing super loud right now as well….

He does sign language with us sometimes. His favorite is “all done” and will a lot of times do it will us after dinner. We sign a lot so hopefully it pays off in a few months!

He eats like a grown man. I don’t think he would ever stop eating if it was up to him. He hasn’t refused a single food I have given him. It’s pretty awesome. I hope it is always like this! Fingers crossed.

He loves being outside still, going to the park and on walks. Sometimes we just go sit outside with the dogs and Ollie is perfectly content.

He loves Remi so so much. He also likes Remi’s dog bones…. No, I don’t want to talk about it… gross!

This month has flown by, every month I love more then the last and I didn’t even know that was possible. Seriously, being a mom is surprisingly the best job ever. I would be perfectly content doing this forever. It is such a blessing!

As a family this month, we have decided to work towards a few different goals. The first one is not saying “No” to Ollie as much. (Don’t freak out people, I am not talking about letting him do what ever) Now that he is mobile I already feel like that mom that walks around saying, “no, no, no, no, no” We are just trying to use more positive reinforcement instead of just saying no a lot. Like saying, lets do this instead of that. Stuff like that. It’s our job to create a safe environment for him to play and we shouldn’t have to say no to EVERYTHING. Plus, we want him to know when we do say no, we really mean it and not just ignore us because we say it too much. But, oh man, after making this decision to be more conscientious about when we say it, I swear we say it more! Lol! Oh well, it’s a goal, we wont be perfect.

Kombucha anyone?!

Our other goal is reducing media intake. During the day when it’s just Ollie and I, we don’t have the TV on. He just gets so sucked into it, and stops playing. So, in our home, while Ollie is awake we try and not have the TV on. Of course there will be exceptions, it’s just something we are working towards. Also, reducing when we have our phones out. We live in a world of constant media intake and it can impact relationships negatively. Ever try to talk to some one and they are just staring at their phone? It really sucks. I don’t want Ollie to think my phone is more important then him. I have been trying to only be on my phone when he is asleep. When he is awake I just think my children deserve my undivided attention. So, I leave my phone in the other room and go and play. Evenings when Dakota gets home we both try and have our phones put up so that it is family time. No TV, No Phones, just playing with baby and dinner as a family time. This time in life is so short! I don’t want to miss it because I am checking my facebook feed! I am also not going to remove myself from social media either. We have family and friends all over the US and I love staying in touch with them! These tools can be so great, and such a positive things! Once again, we are just trying to be conscientious about it!

So, those are our goals! Wish us luck! I think these little changes will have a positive influence on us!

Have a great week everyone! <3

Closed Doors: Hearing the Yes in the No.

Door after door has been shut for me. Job after job isn’t working out. I apply for something and boom position already filled… blah blah. Always something. Not a big something, just a little something. I expanded the job search to just something part time. I think that would be an easier adjustment for Ollie and I anyways. Nothing yet. But, ya know, I am starting to think these aren’t closed doors.

I think it’s a wide-open one.

A release.

An opportunity.

It’s the lord’s way of saying, “raise your baby”.

I would feel a sense of loss when getting calls about full time job positions, but would push on for the sake of our family…..For our need of health insurance, for our desire to live debt free. Yet, a sense of loss for leaving my baby….

Then they wouldn’t work out.

And that would suck. I would beat myself up. Always hearing that voice saying “your just not good enough”.

Yet the Lord saying, “you are who I say you are.”

Hearing no, over and over, is just hard. Even if its nothing you DO. It's no ones fault the position was already full…. Yet, still..... Super discouraging. 

I think the Lord is telling me something. Showing me to stop looking, because he has the perfect job for me right now.

My worth is not based upon how much I make, it’s not a dollar amount.

Yet, when you work to get a degree that’s what you’re working towards. Let's be honest. You are working towards a dollar amount.

So, I am changing my mind set. My life won't revolve around my next step or finding THE job. I am just going to live. 

I will raise my son, that’s my JOB right now! (But hey, if I’m staying home, lets just have a herd of children, just saying) 

Sometimes closed doors aren’t what you think. I truly believe the Lord was opening a door I didn’t want to accept. I find JOY in being with my son . Staying home is a BLESSING. I’ll keep searching for part time jobs. I still look a couple times a week. But I will NOT feel discouraged by the no’s.... Because that NO is the YES to my life right now. I am staying open to finding something but not beating myself up for the life the Lord is telling me to live right now. 

I am going to enjoy this summer with my babe. What a BLESSING. I can go to the pool with him, library story time, playdates…. Oh man, I am excited! This is going to be the BEST summer EVER!

Take heart friends, stopping hearing No, and hear the Lord saying YES to something. I promise, there is a yes in the no! 

I am a Germaphobe.....

Germs have been on muh mind and Its time for me to confess…..The first step is admitting you have a problem...

I have never met someone like me. After you read this you will probably agree, that’s a good thing.

I feel like I can see germs. Crawling around on every hard surface, public bathrooms, door handles, credit card machines (THE WORST), strangers….

Sometimes, I feel like I am losing it.

During summer/spring months my craziness is pretty much tucked away, and than fall/winter hits and BAM its back. The dreaded Flu season.....When I touch something in public I am convinced it has the influenza on it. I treat everyone and everything as if they are infected. I have to resist the urge to run and wash my hands every few minuets so strangers don’t think I have completely lost it.

After being in public, I come home and go straight to washing my hands, anything I touch before that point does get bleached. Sorry… When my husband returns home from work he must wash the influenza off of his hands because I am certain he has been exposed...

I. Have. A. Problem.

Crazy people don’t know they are crazy though, right?

Then I had Ollie, and I feel like my germ seeing super power got heightened. Oh dear….. I see him put things in his mouth… and it kills me. My insides twist and turn as I refuse to give into the urge to swipe that dirty little item clear across the room. "Don’t be a helicopter mom." "Don’t be a helicopter mom." "Don’t be a helicopter mom". I repeat and repeat in my head.

It’s GOOD for him to crawling around and getting exposed to things, I can’t protect him from EVERYTHING. Logic, right?! Yet, it doesn’t keep my heart from exploding every time he grabs a cell phone and puts it in his mouth.

When’s the last time you cleaned your phone?!?! Hmmm?? Hmmm?? Exactly. That’s what I thought.

Things like kids play places seem like immanent death to me. (How are these still legal?! I must start a petition soon…) I am 100% sure there is some incurable disease lurking in that ball pit.

There should be support groups for people like this.

My husband says I need therapy. I think I agree.

Here’s to hoping my newly crawling baby breaks this obsessive behavior in me, and that I don’t create a mini germaphobe. Poor kid.

Any recovering germaphobes out there?! 

And I will leave you with a great song that sums up my weirdness. Click the link and listen if you want to laugh :)

https://soundcloud.com/bobby-bones/wash-your-hands-the-raging

6 Months Old: We are sleeping again! Wahoo!

(These are the kind of photos I have to go through to get a good one...LOL) 

My little baby is half a year old! Oh my… I don’t even….

He is my super active, lovable, ornery, silly boy. He loves using me a jungle gym, rolling across the room, scooting to toys, laughing at jokes, eating big boy food, playing with the dogs, and being outside.

We started solids a little before 6 months, which was a really hard decision to make! We really wanted him to be EBF for as long as possible. But, talking with lots of friends, family, and health professionals, they all agreed he seemed more then ready. We started about a week and half ago and he LOVES it. The first day he couldn’t get enough. He would cry when the food was gone and lick the tray. I think we made a good choice. We decided to listen to our baby, instead of being so strict with the 6-month rule. Our chiro explained how every child develops differently and her boy did the same thing. Food is just for fun for the first year, and he is having fun. It’s a win-win and we feel good about it. We did skip the baby “cereal”… and will be skipping all sugar and grains for at least a year. Nutrition is super important to us, and we are only giving him a few select foods at this time but it’s great that he is loving it.  

A great thing about these last few weeks is that we are SLEEPING!!! WAHOO! Like seriously this changes everything. I feel like I have so much energy. I am able to work out more now and not feel like I am going to fall asleep when we do floor exercises. I feel so much better and Ollie seems happier with more sleep! It’s a great improvement. The four-month sleep regression is a doozy. Just when you feel like you have a routine, BAM, its gone. Its like starting from scratch…. But worse. So much worse. When it passes though, its like the sun coming out after a long blizzard.

Can you tell I am a little excited about sleep?!

And I will add we changed nothing about our bedtime routine the whole time, I am glad we stayed consistent. Sometimes they regress, I’m glad we kept with our same routine and now its better! The whole regression we kept feeling like we were doing something wrong, but then it passed. Now we know for the next regression!

With him sleeping better though, he has moved his bedtime up AGAIN! We are now at a 6pm bedtime…

Around 6 months was always one of my favorites with my siblings. Still baby like, but can understand more things, are stable and fun to play with. I am loving this age with Ollie as well!

Along with the development of “understanding” more and being more “mobile” has caused him to start throwing baby fits. Oh dear… He has been teething, so been on edge as it is… one day we threw fit after fit about things like:

I wont allow him to chew on the curtains.

He got stuck under the rocking chair after moving all around the room, so I got him unstuck….* cue melt down*

He can’t eat my phone.

We are eating a snack without him….

His toy fell.

He can’t fit all the big boy food in his mouth at once.

The food is now gone.

His daddy left for work.

I could go on… lol…. This kid!

Job Update:

Long story short: The job didn’t work out. It was a God thing. I am completely at peace with it. I am now looking at going to Grad school. I am praying everyday for direction!

Happy Monday ya’ll! Spring is on its way! 

Little Update on O

Ollie is 5 ½ months old! He is seriously getting big WAY too fast. His new tricks are:

1. He can drink from a straw now, but prefers just to blow bubbles in his cup. He kept grabbing my cup with a straw and trying to figure it out. We finally got him his own cup to play with. He loves it! He doesn't really drink anything, it is more of game to him.

2. He can sit up for a few seconds on his own.

3. He still loves to roll all around the room, trying to find the tags to play with on his mat. We really do have toys, he just prefers tags…

4. He is wearing some 12-month clothes now.

5. He hates sleeping.

He is definitely not a little baby anymore. He loves exploring new things, and it's fun to watch him just “get” things. I always give him kisses on the cheek, and he laughs and laughs. A little game we have played for awhile. A couple weeks ago he stopped, looked at me, grabbed my face and did it back. It was so sweet. He loves giving “kisses” and hugs. His “kisses” are more like slobber smooshing around your face, but it’s the thought that counts and super endearing. 

Sleep sucks right now. Around 4 months he regressed. Huge. Big time. We are talking, way worse then his newborn sleeping. I swear. We have nights he is up 6-7 times, when he used to get up once.  He can be up every hour to two hours. It’s tough man. For a kid that refuses to nap very much, we at least had nighttime. All sleep is a battle at this point. We are just sticking to our routine, trying every little thing to help him sleep better…. He will nap in 20-30 increments but only in my arms. We are trying to work towards napping in his crib but its been another battle we have not yet won. Want an example? Yesterday we had an hour of screaming because we were so tired and refused a nap, we finally fell asleep and slept for 6 min..... :|   Our home is definitely in zombie mode. 

We visited his chiropractor a few days ago and she adjusted him.... we are trying some of her suggestions. I tell you we are so desperate for a good nights sleep and less crying! Sleep time=screaming. We have tried every single suggestion, sleep theory, book, routine, and prayer out there. This is just where we are at right now. I’ll tell you, its completely defeating to not be able to put your 5 month old to sleep. We have been at this long enough you think we would “get” it. We feel like complete idiots to be honest. It's super annoying when people just say, well if he is fed, and has a clean diaper, and you watch for sleepy signs, he will sleep. False. You obviously have never had a kid who hates sleep. It doesn't matter how early we start trying to get him to sleep, he fights it until he is over tired..... grrrrr. 

He really is the sweetest when he finally sleeps! He is SOOOO happy once we get passed the fight!

Then snow just dumped over Wichita, which does not help a sleep deprived momma! We need spring, desperately for the sanity of our home :) 

Anyways, enough about our lack of sleep….This too shall pass. A little job update for those that care:

I have applied, passed the first test, turned in round 2 of paper work, and they are in the process of doing my background check! Prayers that after I pass the background they want to give me my first interview! God willing.

So, today we are taking my mommas advice; Turning on praise music and we dance. O seems to find it funny, and it’s a good workout. Have a good day readers, enjoy being bunkered in a little bit longer in all this snow. Enjoy an extra cup of coffee or tea…. It’s called for on snow days. <3 

No Absolutes: Journey to Humility

I remember being a little teeny bopper, leading my own gender equality revolt in my bedroom, playing outside only if it was raining and there was mud, despising everything that was expected of me. Normal statements would be:

“I will NEVER get married. Who needs a man anyways?! I take care of myself, plus there are animals to keep me company.”

“I will NEVER have kids.”

“If I have kids, I will NEVER stay at home. EVER”

“A career will be my priority, not a family”

I remember a time my dad was having a “guys” night with some of my cousins at a baseball game, (I am like the only girl cousin) I cried and screamed how unfair it was that events like this were divided by gender and if I wanted to go I should be able to go! I shouldn’t be excluded because of my gender! Then I stormed to the bathroom and cried. Great way to prove a feminist point, get real emotional. (sarcasm) FYI. My dad let me go….

I don’t know what it is about my parents that they raised two very strong, independent, gender equality-seeking women. They are normal people. My mom stayed home, my dad worked. They never taught us this stuff. It was authentically engrained in me. I feel bad for them.

Life taught me many lessons along the way. One of the most humbling experiences came when I was 11. I experienced the feeling of true loss for the first time. Over and over again. I remember this shaking me to the core, changing my perspective, realizing the lack of control I had for my life, and teaching me nothing is permanent.

Then life began happening, I met a boy when I was 14 that I would marry right after high school. (Against the advice of many)

That “absolutely never EVER happening” was gone. I got married.

Then I found myself in the final semester of college, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, at my dream internship, on the fast track to the career I desired. Yet, I found myself on the bathroom floor, throwing up continuously from morning sickness.

That “absolutely never EVER happening” was gone. I was pregnant.

Then I found myself graduating college, pregnant, no job prospects (who wants to hire a prego?!) I was home. I was still. The lord forced me to just be still in his presence. I was learning I am a pawn in his plan. My sweet baby boy was born and I was a stay at home mom.

That “absolutely never EVER happening” was gone. I was a stay at home mom.

I now find myself looking and applying for jobs, and praying no mater what job I get, I will keep my family first.

That “absolutely never EVER happening” is leaving. My family will be my priority, not my job.

I sit here snuggling my 4 month old, and tears roll down my face thinking about the day I won’t wake up to his face every morning. The day I will spend more time at work then home. Parenting blogs say the most important gift you can give a child is time, and I know that will be rare in the career I am going into.

I look back at my “never, evers” and wonder what I was fighting so hard against. My “never evers” have turned into the biggest blessings of my life. Before Oliver was born I was mourning over not being able to jump into the work force and now I am mourning the opposite.

I used to wonder why mom's didn’t work, why they stayed at home. I see that now. The Lord obviously has different plans for me, but I get it. I get why mom’s stay at home.

This experience has opened my eyes to both worlds. I see the pain and hardships of staying at home and the pains and hardships of working outside the home. I get it. I want to be there for Oliver’s first steps, first words, watch him change everyday. I want to just be able to be there. That is my prayer for this new stage of life. That I will be present when I am home. That means finding balance in the unknown. That means balancing what I foresee as working nights, holidays, and weekends. Balancing a stressful career and raising babies. It’s possible, I know. It’s scary though.

The Lord is using this experience to refine me though, change my heart and strengthen my family.  Every “never ever” that was broken was a humbling, beautiful experience that taught me life happens. The Lord is in charge of my life. My future is already mapped out. He knows my every step along the way. I can’t live in fear of this change. The Lords plans never fail.  My tattoo on my wrist reminds me his plans are to prosper not to harm.

I still wear my heart on my sleeve, I am still probably too opinionated, I still have absolutes. This is my journey to humility. The Lord is teaching me though; there are no absolutes, except the Lord. He will absolutely always be in control and be present.

I ask for prayer as I’m going through the application processes, that the Lord will open doors or SLAM others. That interviewers will find favor to my application even though hundreds others are applying. Pray I listen to the Lords will.

Any mommas that balance work, school, and parenting etc. that want to give advice on how they balance everything, that would be amazing!

Love you all. Have a great week.